Silent Doubts
by Hinikuna
Summary: Kagome hopes Inuyasha will never find out about how terribly insecure she feels about their relationship, but sometimes doubts have the ability to eat away inside of us, until it's impossible to keep pretending anymore.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, so this is a translation of a story i wrote in spanish (my first language) for a contest in Fanfiction. I had never written something in english before or tried to translate, but i wanted to give it a try. If you see any mistakes, please let me know and ill try to correct them. Thank you and enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

''Kagome, help me!''

Generally, before a cry of help, most people would usually come to aid the person in need, or at the very least, feel alarmed enough to react in some way. It's the rules of social etiquette, especially when it comes to a partner.

However, Higurashi Kagome could not be bothered in the slightest. Without turning around, she exclaimed over shoulder:

''Inuyasha, leave Shippo alone!''

The comment was said in an attempt to end the fight between the two demons, which seemed to repeat itself night after night. It was never clear who was the one who started it, but being Shippo the little one, most of the times Kagome would put herself on his side. But that usually meant she would later have to deal with a very moody Inuyasha, who expected his girlfriend to side with him, no matter what stupid things he would say or do to Shippo.

They were constantly putting her in the middle of their stupid arguments, and at some point _''Mommy Kagome''_ just can't take it anymore, especially if she doesn't want to die so young. So whenever she could, the girl would put as much distance between herself and the trouble as possible.

Unfortunately, this was rapidly proving not to be one of those occasions, since she was immediately answered by a half growl, half yell from Inuyasha:

''Why are you yelling at me for?! It was the shrimp who started it!''

''I'm not a shrimp, I'm a fox!''

''I don't care what you are as long as you get out of my way…shrimp''

There was a biting sound, and then immediately Inuyasha started screaming in frustration. Shippo had sank his teeth in the older demon's ankle (the only body part the little fox could see from the ground), and even though Inuyasha was moving his leg furiously in the air, Shippo was not letting go of his prey.

''Kagome!'', screamed Inuyasha once again ''Do you see what he is doing?!''

The girl was at the moment enjoying a very relaxing cup of tea, and could not see what was happening behind her back. Not that she was planning to anyway; she had had enough of the nonsense and wanted the fight to be over as soon as possible. So, after carefully sipping her drink, she answered with a very simple:

''Aja''

''Liar! You are not watching at all!''

Kagome sipped her tea once again and tried to block all sound that didn't include the soft breeze shaking the leaves from the trees over her head, or the nearby river flowing in the night. Relaxing and calming sounds.

Of course that was easier said than done. She could still hear frustrated growls that were soon enough going to get her a massive headache, and for the millionth time, she wondered why she hadn't packed a pair of headphones before settling down forever with a loud demon. Not that they would be useful in this time, but a girl could only dream.

''You know what? Have it your way'', said Inuyasha, ''Just don't come crying to me when the shrimp gets hurt''

''I told you I'm not a shrimp!''

With that, the fighting sounds become even louder, to the point that Kagome seriously considered getting in the middle and pulling both of their ears until they became red as tomatoes. She was done with immature brats!

''It's so late, why do they have so much energy?'', asked Sango, who was sitting with her head between her knees, ''Like this, no one is going to be able to sleep tonight''

''Well… we weren't really planning to sleep now anyways, right honey?'', asked Miroku with a wink.

Kagome saw the blush across her best friend's cheeks, and smiled to herself before she turned around so the couple could have some privacy.

She still couldn't believe those two had gotten married and had kids. She loved them, and rooted for the couple, however, she had to admit they didn't seem to have absolutely nothing in common, apart from the spectacular ability to hunt down and exterminate demons. But again, maybe that was enough to keep a marriage alive. What would she know?

Miroku had been a lady's man since the day he had crossed paths with Inuyasha's group. He had seduced every single woman who appeared before him, and Sango had not been an exception. Although the girl had shown she quite enjoyed his company, she still had resisted the idea of submitting to his charms. Unlike every other girl, Sango had seen through his act, and had been too smart to fall for his advances. She stated very clearly that she wasn't planning to mess around with a perverted monk, and she had rejected him on every opportunity.

For a long time, Kagome thought those two would circle around each other, fighting constantly and without having the guts to voice out loud what they truly felt. But at the end, their feelings had caught the best of them, and against all odds, they managed to build a bridge between their two very different worlds.

Now, years later, with no threat in the distance, it was clear that they were finally happy.

 _And to think that after all this time, she can still blush like this for him._ She supposed that the scene before her, was the best example of what love can accomplish. Even with the responsibility to raise their kids, they still found time to be with each other and have private jokes.

 _Must be nice._

Kagome asked briefly to herself if her life with Inuyasha would turn out the same way after many years, but she wasn't so sure. It was only a few months ago that she had found the entrance to the feudal era once again, and had decided to live with Inuyasha for the rest of her life. She still missed her old life from time to time, her family, her friends, even her school in some level, and she supposed those feelings wouldn't vanish easily.

But everyday she felt it was a little easier to deal with, and she could honestly say she was happy right now. She had amazing friends, a job as a priestess in the village, and Inuyasha, who she loved with all her heart. To be able to be this happy, seemed like an illusion sometimes, but it wasn't the case at all. Kagome simply had it all.

 _Even though you are not satisfied…_

Kagome sighted and rub her temples, trying to make the pain in her head go away. She would never admit it aloud, but sometimes, this little, tiny voice in her mind, appeared out of nowhere, and started talking about her most dark insecurities, and planting seeds of doubt in her brain. At all costs, she tried to avoid listening to it, and making herself understand that she had everything she could ever want or need to be happy, but to no avail.

The voice just wouldn't shut up.

Little by little, almost without noticing, she noticed she had started listening to what the voice was saying much more carefully, and to feel like something was missing in her life.

She couldn't explain it to anyone, not even to herself, what was this thing that she thought was missing, and so she never said it out loud. Thinking about it seemed bad enough at times, and she was sure that voicing her concerns to Inuyasha would only make the problem more serious than it actually was. If only she could find out, what was that thing she was missing to make her life perfect, she could go look for it herself, but she had no idea, and that was simply annoying.

Next to her, the young couple got on their feet, and started walking away. They didn't say a word, but judging by the blush on Sango's cheeks, and the grin on Miroku's mouth, Kagome could tell they were looking for complete privacy.

''I'm serious, Inuyasha, If you call me that one more time…!''

''What are you going to do, shrimp? Bump me with one of your little toys?'', answered Inuyasha with a mocking voice.

So far gone was Kagome in her own thoughts, that she had forgotten about the fight still going on behind her. But right now, alone in the forest with those two demons, she couldn't ignore the yelling enough to be able to sleep. And she couldn't just walk away through the same path the young couple had taken, so there was no point in delaying her participation. They were going to get an earful from her.

 _Stupid brats…_

Kagome raised herself from the floor, and turn around so she could finally put an end to the fight. Nevertheless, out of nowhere, a bright light blinded her, and a cloud of smoke surrounded her completely. She started coughing right away, and she tried dissipating the smoke with her hand, but it soon proved useless.

''I'm going to find you, brat!'', yelled Inuyasha, somewhere inside the cloud of smoke.

''Inuyasha!'', yelled Kagome, trying to search for him, ''where…?''

Her question was cut off by a heavy body that crash into her with the strength of a train. Her breath left her lungs, and she fell to the ground, also managing to take down the body that had bumped into her. Kagome hit her head against the floor, and for a minute she felt disoriented.

''Shit, I'm sorry!'', said Inuyasha on top of her, ''are you okay?''.

Without being able to answer because of the lack of air, Kagome nodded, hoping Inuyasha could still see her even in the midst of the smoke, which was starting to dissipate. Somewhere in the forest, Shippo's laughter was heard before it disappeared in the distance, as if he were running away. It was the laugh of naughty kid who had gotten a prank just right, and the girl made a note in her mind to punish him when she saw him again.

From on top of her, Inuyasha growled threateningly, and seemed eager to look for the kid and carry out the punishment himself. But he controlled his urge to get revenge, in order to not leave Kagome lying literally breathless on the grass.

''Do you... have… any idea how…much you weigh?'', she asked between short breaths.

''Sorry, I didn't know you were there'', he answered truthfully.

Kagome glared at him, letting him know just how stupid she thought his answer was. There really was no need for words, since the frown and the flaming eyes said everything already. Most times, the girl could be sweet, but she had the personality of a flesh-eating demon when she got mad, and no one was exempt from her wrath. Especially not him.

Inuyasha moved lightly backwards, fearing the only word that would make him bow down to her. Literally speaking. He had fought countless demons in the past, some as powerful as Naraku or Seshomaru, both who had almost taken his life in the process. However, none of them scared the living shit out of him…as one _''sit''_ from Kagome and his stupid necklace around his neck could. He trembled only thinking about it.

''When I…recover…my breath…'', she started to threaten.

Trying to delay his punishment as much as possible, Inuyasha looked for a way to distract her.

''Can I help you with that?'', he asked with a grin rapidly forming on his face.

Kagome had little time to analyze the demon's words, before he reached forward, and without a single warning, kiss her full on the lips. At one instant, she had been completely furious, searching in her brain for ways to make the demon pay for crashing her to the ground. One second later, her head seemed to have detached itself from the rest of her body.

 _Damn Inuyasha,_ she tough, but the words didn't carry much meaning, not even in her own mind, because she loved the feeling of his lips on top of hers. She knew she should have been even angrier at him for trying to distract her with kisses, and she even considered pushing him away. But on the contrary, she put her arms around his neck. Without realizing, she let a small moan escape from her lips.

Inuyasha smiled lightly at the sound coming from her lips. He liked knowing that he could weaken the girl, rob her from her senses, and make her forget why she was mad. It was like owning an off button, which only he possessed.

From their first kiss, Inuyasha had only tried to perfect the art of kissing, finally understanding why Miroku would turn into a dog searching for tail at the sight of a woman. The feeling was amazing! Having Kagome's body so close to his, her mouth moving in the same rhythm, and that hypnotic black hair beneath his fingers, was just too good to be true. And he wanted more.

Slowly, Inuyasha traced his hand down the girl's body. He caressed her neck and clavicle, before lowering it more, until it reached the hem of her yukata. The skin underneath so soft, it was just like silk. He was about to continue his exploration, when suddenly he felt Kagome's body tense as a string, and her lips stopped moving against his.

With a silent curse inside his mind, Inuyasha stepped away, and sat with his back to her, so she wouldn't see the reaction he had in the lower region of his body.

Kagome took a deep breath and sat down as well, noticing she was once again breathless but for an entire different reason. Her body had light up like a damn torch, and areas of her skin that she had never paid attention to, were now burning up. She felt uncomfortable with the reactions of her body, but nothing was worst than the certainty that she had rejected Inuyasha…again.

''Can I ask you something?'', he said.

When Kagome looked at his face, she noticed that he didn't' have any specific emotion in his eyes. He was just serious. With some fear about what his partner could ask, Kagome absentmindedly nodded, and waited for the boy to speak.

''Is it nervousness you feel… or am I doing something wrong?'', he asked, and she knew he was referring to her previous rejection.

The girl's cheeks became crimson, and she lowered her gaze to the ground. In a small, soft whisper, she answered:

''You are not doing anything wrong''.

Kagome immediately felt a wave of embarrassment wash over her, and she hoped the earth could open up and just swallow her whole. If there was something in the world that could make her more nervous than Inuyasha's advances, it was openly talking about it with someone. She knew it was a bit childish on her part, but saying those words out loud seemed to make the situation much more real, and definitely more intense, so Kagome simply avoided those conversations. However, it wasn't the nerves the main reason she had just rejected him.

Since Kagome's return to the feudal era, the couple had come closer than ever. They would laugh, joke, fight and kiss, just like any normal couple would. He though he was doing something wrong? On the contrary, his very touch on her skin was enough to make her go absolutely crazy. And yet despite her reaction…they had never made love.

Not that they hadn't had an occasion. Kagome knew that if it was solely Inuyasha's decision, it would probably have happened by now. Like any guy, he got turned on easily, and his physical response was very obvious when they were alone. The one who was still resisting, was her.

 _I bet Kikyo wouldn't be so hysterical about this,_ said the voice in her head, and Kagome repressed the need to curl her hands into fists and punch something. She hated comparing herself with Kikyo, she really did, but she couldn't help it when the other girl had loved him first, had belonged to him first. The former priestess had undoubtedly shared many experiences with the demon, and that was something Kagome couldn't erase, no matter how hard she tried. Even in death, the other women still seemed to have an advantage.

Kagome was sure of Inuyasha's love, and she didn't want to doubt the feeling, especially when she had left her whole life behind for him. But a part of her, a very tiny and scandalous part, couldn't stop wondering if Inuyasha was unconsciously searching for Kikyo…in her.

It was a depressing thought, but still it made sense, considering she was the reincarnation of the former priestess, and both women could be considered the same person.

Kagome had no idea how many where the similarities between both of them, but she feared the day when Inuyasha stopped looking for the differences, and finally got bored of her because he realized that his experiences with Kikyo weren't going to be the same with her. She had no doubt Inuyasha would be disappointed when they made love, because he wouldn't be able to revive those old feelings.

 _That's why you freeze every time he touches you._

She had been nervous about Kikyo's presence before, but never like this, never this strongly, as if she were anxious for Inuyasha to abandon her to go chase a dead dream. It was terrifying to even think about it.

''Then can I ask you what is it about?'', Inuyasha insisted, pulling her away from her thoughts, ''because everytime I come near you…''

Oh no, she most definitely didn't want to know how that sentence ended, nor she wanted to keep talking about this. But she knew Inuyasha was stubborn enough not to let the subject slide, and the knowledge left her with an increasing sense of panic inside her chest, which led her to act irrationally.

''I can't believe you would ask me something like that!'', she shouted out of the blue, and both were surprised at her outrage, ''It's none of your business''.

Instantly, Kagome wished she could take back those words, because they weren't fair at all. She had yelled out of embarrassment, and he didn't deserve to be talked down like that, as if he wasn't an important part of her life. But the humiliation she pictured in her mind if she gave away her real reason to freak out like that, completely beat the honesty inside her. So she stayed quiet.

Inuyasha, on the other hand, frowned, and turned around to face her. If there was something he hated most of all, it was being left out, even more when the discussion had something to do with him. He had always been a warrior facing his problems head on, and this was just another kind of battle.

''None of my business, you say? If I recall correctly, we are a couple, so any problem you may have with me, you need to say it to my face instead of keeping things from me, Kagome''.

''I'm not keeping anything from you, I just don't want to talk about it!''

The girl stood up and was ready to leave, with her cheeks burning as red as flames. Seeing this, Inuyasha quickly stood up as well, held her arm, and made her look at him in the eye.

''You never want to talk about this''.

 _That's right; you are always avoiding him, so he doesn't find out about your insecurities…_

''No, you are just too insisting''.

 _It's a lie and you know it,_ indicated the voice inside her head, and Kagome wanted to scream. Of course she knew it! Inuyasha could be perseverant or intense, but he was always respectful of her wishes. If she ever told him there was something she didn't want to do, he would never push. She was lying to his face by saying he was ''too insisting'', and the guilt was starting to weight on her soul, but she had no choice. She couldn't possibly say that she was jealous of a dead woman…someone who he probably still missed.

''What is that supposed to mean?'', he asked angrily, ''are you saying I'm forcing you?''

 _Kikyo wouldn't have created this mess._

Kagome wanted to shut her ears to any sound, just like a little child would. She wanted that damn voice to shut up once and for all, but she knew better. That voice came from a place deep inside her, where all her fears hid under a thin veil, and there was no way to stop it from coming out.

''Is that what you are saying? Am I forcing you?''

Inside her mind, Kagome saw Inuyasha and Kikyo in a passionate embrace. She witnessed them sharing a romantic kiss. She imagined their night of passion… and desperately wanted to scream. With each image, a wave of rage started growing inside her chest, and the same voice pointed out that those were probably the best experiences in Inuyasha's life, and she couldn't compete with something so powerful as a first love. She wasn't even sure if sex with her would be better (or even good), because she didn't know a thing about it! And didn't that only made her even more damn nervous?

She would disappoint him. She was sure of it. And it was that stupid thought that made her open her mouth and yell the most poisonous lies that had ever come from her mouth:

''You are pressuring me!''

Inuyasha immediately straightened his back and looked at her in surprise…and pain, almost as if she had hit him in the face. Even though he had demanded an answer from her, he seemed betrayed now. Kagome could almost hear the little voice giggling in her mind, having planted way too many doubts, and now enjoying the results. Was it too late to go back?

''I…I never forced you to do anything you didn't want to'', he answered in his defense.

Instantly, Kagome felt terrible, because he was telling the truth, he had never touched her without her permission. She wanted to take back her statement, but she couldn't stop the snowball once she had pushed it down the mountain.

''No, but you are always trying to get into my pants, and making me feel bad when I reject you''.

 _That's not what I want to say, s_ he though desperately.

''I never tried…''

''It's not fair that I have to put up with your…perversion'', she interrupted him, ''or is sex the most important thing in our relationship all of a sudden?''.

 _What am I saying?_

Inuyasha frowned, and tried to speak. But Kagome felt suddenly so nervous that he could eventually find out the real reason behind her outbreak, so she panicked and yelled:

''What can't you understand? I don't want to sleep with you!''

She bit her lip to shut herself up, because she didn't know what the hell she was saying anymore. Between her brain and her mouth, there didn't seem to be any filter, and the more nervous she got, the more stupid stuff came out of her mouth. She ended up spitting out that big mistake.

Of course she wanted to sleep with him! But she was too scared to become a disappointment to him, and instead of speaking about her insecurities like a normal person…she had decided to blame him for everything. Oh, and calling him a pervert.

 _Nice idea, Kagome,_ she thought with sarcasm.

Truthfully, the girl was waiting for a confrontation. She generally didn't like to fight, be it Inuyasha or anyone else, but the frustration inside her seemed like a living thing, eating away inside her, and stressing her out, to the point that she couldn't think clearly anymore. She needed to get this problem off her back, get it out from inside her chest and finally feel better. She needed a fight, so she waited for Inuyasha to answer in the same aggressive way, so she could continue to vent her frustrations.

However, the demon didn't say a word, and the silence spread all over, until it became unbearable.

''You are not going to say anything?!'', she yelled suddenly.

 _Say something,_ she pleaded, _anything._

Inuyasha raised his gaze from the ground, and the look he gave her was so full of sorrow, it almost shattered her soul to pieces. That was the man she loved most in the world, and she had hurt him, not with knives, not with knuckles…but with lies.

''Why would i?'', he asked after he shrugged, ''I don't want to pressure you anymore''.

And with those words, Inuyasha disappeared into the night, running away so fast, that even if she had had the energy to follow him, she would have lost all track. The girl cursed herself for being so stupid and fell to the ground on her knees. She covered her face with her hands and felt like the most pathetic being in the whole world.

How could she had been so cruel? In her effort to avoid Inuyasha finding out about her insecurities, she had ended up blowing up in his face and screaming she didn't want to be with him. And that was just a big fat lie, no matter how she looked at it. The fact that he had believed her, though, was heartbreaking, because it meant she had taken the situation too far without noticing.

Her eyes started to prickle, and Kagome hug herself in an attempt to keep together all the pieces of herself. They seemed to be falling apart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Kagome's back was hurting from bending over so much. Turns out, living in the feudal era involves growing and gathering your own food, which she was so not used to it yet, considering she had been raised in a modern city. Generally, she didn't mind the effort, because it meant working under the warmth of the sun, and usually with the company of Sango or Shippo. But clearly, that was not her day.

Sango was currently busy bathing her children in the lake, and Shippo was nowhere to be seen, probably still hiding somewhere, fearing Inuyasha's wrath after the pranks from the night before. Other women from the village were keeping her company. However, with the depressing state Kagome was in, no one was really eager to talk with her, and she couldn't blame them. She knew she was being a real bad company at the moment, and the possibility to be alone allowed her to think…mostly about how stupid she was.

The conversation from the night before slipped into her brain once again, and she remembered every cruel comment that came out of her mouth.

'' _You are too insisting!''_

'' _You are pressuring me!''_

'' _I don't want to sleep with you!''_

Inuyasha hadn't deserved any of those words. Yes, he wanted sex. But what guy didn't want to? And his attempt to talk with the girl hadn't been with the goal to make her feel uncomfortable, but to try to understand where her nervousness was coming from. Maybe even to comfort her. And the worst of all is... she had understood his intentions; she had just been too afraid to mess up their relationship, and ended up acting like an idiot.

It's not that she didn't love him enough; on the contrary, she loved him too much to want to risk disappointing him. What would happen if they made love one night, and he realized that she couldn't meet his expectations? He was respectful enough not to say anything, but she would see the dissapointment in his eyes. She was sure of it.

 _Just like I saw last night,_ she reminded herself, and an overwhelming wave of fatigue seemed to come crashing down on her. At the end of the day, it appeared everything she did was for the worst: while trying to avoid an obstacle in her relationship, she ended up telling filthy lies to the one person she loved the most. She had searched for him in the woods, trying to apologize, and until sundown came, she hadn't given up. However, her mate proved nowhere to be seen.

When he didn't show any signs of coming back to the village by late morning, Kagome began to feel anxious, fearing her partner was taking a rather long break from her hysteria. Or worst case scenario, that something could have happened that prevented his return. With panic creeping all the way to her throat, she had asked to everyone in the village, if they had seen a demon with characteristic white long hair and a red hakama.

''I think I heard him say he had something to do'', told Miroku without having any clue about the fight from the night before, ''he said he would be back tonight''.

With a sigh of relief, Kagome tried to recover hours of sleep. She wanted to feel rested, so when Inuyasha came back, they could have a calm and mature conversation, without anybody freaking out, without lies or fears, only truth. But her attempts were useless, because every time she closed her eyes, she could only see Inuyasha's betrayed expression before he turned around and walked away from her. So yeah, sleep was out of the question.

'' _I don't want to pressure you''_ he had said. What a stupid mess she had created in order to protect her own insecurities! She had so much to explain, that she started making monologues in her head, repeating speeches over and over again. But were her words going to be enough to fix her mistake? Could he even forgive her?

The rest of the day seemed to pass by slowly, and Kagome tried to take as much work as she could in order to keep herself occupied. She accompanied Sango and her kids, she washed clothes, and basically helped in anything she could around the village. And despite the distraction, she did her best to stay focused in her tasks.

When night finally came, Kagome was exhausted, but she didn't want to risk not meeting Inuyasha one more night. So she sat in the same old well she had used time and time again to cross from one world to the other, and waited for his partner's return. Not much later, she was able to discern a lonely figure in the distance, with white tangled hair and a pair of yellow eyes that always managed to take her breath away.

Kagome stood up, but despite her desires, she couldn't find the strength inside herself to run to him. She felt such wave of embarrassment, that only looking at him was proving to be difficult. She bit her lip, and waited until he came to her. Only then the girl opened her mouth to apologize, and yet he spoke first:

''I'm sorry''

 _He is apologizing?,_ she asked to herself without believing it, _why?_

Kagome left her jaw open in surprise, and just looked at him without blinking. In her head, all her carefully woven speeches came crashing down, and she couldn't find any words to say. With her silence, however, Inuyasha took it as cue to continue talking.

''I wanted to apologize to you, because sometimes I can be too impulsive'', he said while rubbing his nape, and looking straight to the ground, ''I know I get carried away too easily, and I don't always take someone else's feelings into consideration''.

''Inuyasha…'', she tried to stop him.

Surprisingly, he looked nervous, and started sliding his foot over the grass from one side to the other, almost as if that small action could help him concentrate. With consternation, the girl realized Inuyasha was feeling guilty, and taking all the blame for the fight.

 _This is not okay,_ she told herself. The girl opened her mouth to correct his mistake, but he wouldn't let her speak.

''I don't know how you do things in your time, but here, sometimes, us men, can be brutes. I would have never forced, you have to know that…but maybe without noticing I insisted too much and made you feel uncomfortable, and that is the last…''

''Inuyasha, stop…''.

However, the girl couldn't finish her sentence, because suddenly she found herself wrapped in a pair of strong arms, and a warm chest. A warm and calm feeling settled inside her when she felt him so close, and the beating of his heart against her ear, seemed like the very thing she needed to hear. For a sweet instant, she could even forget that there was a fight between them, and loose herself completely in his arms. Just for an instant.

''I love you, Kagome'', he whispered in her ear, which caused her pulse to raise in her veins, ''and I know I'm being selfish right know but I'm just going to go ahead and ask you to forgive me, because I know you love me too. I'm full of flaws, and sometimes I have absolutely no idea what makes you stay with me. But, shit, I'm too happy to question your judgement. So I'm going to ask you to tell me whenever you see me acting like a jerk, and pressuring you without realizing. Just tell me…and I'll give you space, or time, or anything you need, because the last thing I want is for you to distance yourself from me''.

Inuyasha raised his hands and held her cheeks. He looked at her with a desperation so deep, it almost made her cry. Without noticing, she got on her tiptoes, with the intention to kiss him and erase the sad expression in his eyes. However, she stopped herself when he suddenly seemed to remember something important.

''Oh, right, I have this for you'', he said, and between the folds in his hakama, he grabbed a small little box.

It was a simple artifact made of old wood, but with a beautiful and intricate pattern all around. Inuyasha opened the lid, and suddenly, she saw the most beautiful necklace she had ever laid eyes upon: a silver chain, with a pink pendant in the shape of a flower, that seemed to sparkle in the moonlight.

Inuyasha was visibly nervous, changing his weight from one foot to the other, because he didn't know how the girl would react to his gift. He only hoped it was enough to alleviate the panic he had heard in her voice the night before.

''It's so beautiful'', she said, and she sensed the smile of relief on his face.

''It belonged to my mother'', he answered, while taking the necklace and putting it on her neck, ''I found It again a while ago, but I didn't know what to do with it''.

With the weight of the chain on her neck, she thought she would feel a little better, at least knowing that Inuyasha wasn't mad at her for her hysteria. However, it wasn't calmness that overwhelmed her, but anxiety.

Even though the girl loved both the gesture and the gift itself, she didn't exactly feel worthy of it. Inuyasha still believed the fight was his fault, and she hadn't cleared the air yet, so she couldn't possibly accept it without talking to him honestly first. Even though only the thought of that scared her.

''Is something wrong?''', he asked when he looked at her face.

''Are you sure you want me to have it?''

Inuyasha held her cheeks again, and this time, he did kiss her delicately on the lips. There was no urgency, no hurry on his kiss, only sweetness, and it managed to make her melt inside.

''I'm sure. You mean so much to me, Kagome, and I promise I will never again insist you to…''

Not being able to take it anymore, Kagome raised her hand and covered his mouth so he couldn't finish that sentence. Inuyasha had never exactly been a poet, and his idea of romantic speeches usually resembled a trucker's curses. But he had tried so hard to bring her pretty words to warm her heart, and a gift to represent his feelings. The gesture was so meaningful, so utterly deep, it was so much more than she had ever expected.

She needed to be honest with him, even though it wrecked their relationship, they could get through it. They had always been able to fix their problems in the past, and she hoped this time would not be any different.

''I have to tell you something, and I need you to let me speak'', she stated, and then let go of his mouth.

Inuyasha nodded and sat down in the well beside her. The girl wanted to hold his hand, but her palm was sweating so much, the sensation would have probably disgusted him, so she resisted the urge. She put stray hairs behind her ear, rubbed her neck, and took a deep breath.

''Last night, I wasn't being totally honest'', she said while looking at the ground, ''if I'm feeling pressured is not because of you…I'm doing it to myself''.

''Okay…'', he answered somewhat confused, ''and what does that mean exactly?''.

She looked into his eyes. Even though she was scared to see his reaction, she knew she had to let him know what was bothering her, or they wouldn't get past the situation. They would be stuck in the same place, and all because of her.

 _Go on, say it..._

''I don't want you to look for Kikyo in me''.

The silence settled between them, and while Kagome waited anxiously for any reaction from Inuyasha, he only looked at her with a confused expression, almost as if she had spoken in another language.

''What?'', he asked calmly.

Kagome suddenly got on her feet, and started walking from one end of the well to the other. She felt too nervous to stay put.

''It's not that I don't think you love me, of course I do. But a part of me can't stop wondering if you still have Kikyo in your heart. She was your first love, and those things are not forgotten easily…maybe they can never be forgotten. I don't know, because you are my first love, and I suppose if I were to lose you and would want to be with someone else…''

''Wait a second'', he interrupted all of a sudden, and got up from the well, ''you want to be with someone else?''

Kagome stopped walking all together, and looked at him without blinking.

''What? Of course not, it's hypothetical''

''I don't know what that means, Kagome. But you just made a whole speech in which apparently I'm out of the picture, Kikyo comes back in, and you are with someone else. What the hell are you talking about?''

Inuyasha's mind seemed to be a mess of crossed cables. She didn't know if it was better to explain herself quickly, or slowly start to disentangle the misunderstanding inside his head.

''Are you telling me you want to run off with some other guy after all we've been through?'', he asked with a frown and his body in tension.

''No! I didn't say that. I'm saying I don't want you to leave me because you still love Kikyo''.

They were both quiet after the revelation, and the sounds of nature seemed to become increasingly louder. It seemed like all of a sudden, every creature in the forest wanted to participate in the discussion.

''Did we just go back in time without me realizing it or something?'', he asked while looking at her face intensely, ''Kikyo is dead. She has been that way for a long time''.

He explained it to her slowly, almost as if she was too dumb to understand that many years had passed since the other woman's death. She closed her fists then, absolutely mad at herself for being so stupid, and at him for not understanding her complicated issues.

''I know, but that doesn't mean you have forgotten about her''.

Inuyasha came closer to the girl, took her chin in his hand and made her look him in the eye.

''You think I still love her?'', he asked softly.

''No'', she answered with tearful eyes, ''but I'm afraid someday you'll forget that me and her are different, despite our connection. I'm afraid you'll realize that being with me won't be the same as being with her''.

Inuyasha stayed silent for a while, and simply raised his hand to erase a tear gently running down her cheek. He sighed, and held her body close to his. Kagome felt contented…until he opened his mouth to speak:

''I never knew girls could be this jealous''.

Kagome tried to get free from his hold, so she could glare at him. But he only laughed and held her even closer. In another situation, she would have made him hit the ground with the strength of the cursed necklace. However, in this specific case, she was glad to hear his laughter on her ear, and felt much more relaxed than she had been all day.

''Kagome, listen to me. Kikyo was the first person I've been in love with, yes, and I probably won't forget about her existence, or how special she was at the time…but she is not the one I want today... you are''.

As comforting as his words could be to her ears, Kagome knew it wasn't enough to vanish every doubt she had carried for so long. The truth was, the voice in her mind had spoken one too many times, and created unnecessary havoc inside her. It just wouldn't go away that easily. To finally be free of those feelings of anxiety, she needed to once and for all scream out loud all her doubts, her underconfidence…and hope to start letting go of those feelings.

''But I remember how much you suffered with her death'', she insisted, ''I remember you holding her body when it started to disappear…and then you had nothing to hold on to anymore''.

He didn't show any reaction, either on his face or on his body. Nevertheless, she knew he didn't like to talk about that time, and she wanted to kick herself for speaking so bluntly.

''Yes, I suffered'', he answered honestly, ''but I can't keep holding on to a past that can't give me anything anymore. Kikyo wasn't alive at the time she was resurrected by that witch, and her soul wasn't the same either. I was just too blind to see it. It's you who I learned to love, Kagome, don't doubt about it''.

''And what if is not the same with me?''

Inuyasha sighted heavily in frustration, and she thought that she was probably becoming too annoying.

Suddenly he attached his mouth to hers, and stole the most passionate kiss she had ever gotten in her life, and left her completely breathless. When the couple separated, they both found themselves short of breath, and their bodies lighted up like flames.

''You are different from Kikyo, and you shouldn't compare yourself, because I don't do it'', he said with such intensity in his eyes, that left her quiet, ''making love with you won't be the same…it will be better because it will be with you. So stop fretting and let me kiss you again''.

Kagome smiled, and put her arms around his neck while he grabbed her from the waist and kissed her hard. In that moment, being showered with kisses by his partner, she knew she had never felt so alive. If only she had spoken about her insecurities with Inuyasha, he would have made them go away much sooner, and she felt stupid for keeping quiet.

The girl had tried so hard to become what she thought he wanted her to be, that along the way she had forgotten how to be herself. But that was over now. Her body was vibrating with need, and she couldn't stop to think if this was right or appropriate. Right now, she only wanted to feel.

Kagome slid to the ground and dragged Inuyasha with her. With one hand she started to open his hakama, while with the other one, she started to take off her own clothing. Seeing this, Inuyasha held her hand and stopped her movements.

''What are you doing?'', the demon asked short of breath.

She felt a blush spreading in her cheeks, and bit her lip in embarrassment with what she was about to say:

''I want you to make love to me''.

He opened his eyes a lot, and pulled back from her body. Kagome instantly felt cold, and was afraid he was the one rejecting her now. Maybe her words had hurt him more than he had let on, and now didn't want to touch her anymore.

''So you don't want me?'', she guessed in a whisper.

He raised his head so fast, his hair flew everywhere, and looked at her is if she had said the most stupid statement in the world.

''Of course I want you, I need you'', he answered simply, and then he took a big breath, ''but I don't want you to regret it later, I want you to be sure. I don't like…pressuring you''.

She sat down straight, and in a whim, took his hand and put it on the left side of her chest. He swallowed and blushed red, while she taught it was the cutest gesture she had ever seen before.

''Can you feel my heartbeat?'', she asked while holding his hand, ''I need you too, and It's not a spontaneous decision. Every time you kiss me I get…on fire, and I want to know just how much I can burn with you''.

''Are you sure?'', he asked to make sure. His body was on the edge, and he wasn't sure he could hold back.

She nodded, and to be even clearer, she grabbed him by the hakama, and dragged him to the flood yet again. His body on top of her, felt deliciously heavy.

''I'm sure''.

He lowered his mouth to meet hers, and they both got lost in the moment. Clothes were removed without a single thought, and they laid skin to skin over the grass. They stared at each other in the eye, for what it seemed like forever, without a rush or a care in the world. When Inuyasha travelled his eye downward, Kagome's cheeks burned crimson, and she was well aware of it. But his partner was sporting a shade of red of his own, and she was glad to see she wasn't the only nervous one.

Hesitantly, Inuyasha raised his hand and left it floating over her body. With a silent question in his eyes, he waited for her approval.

The girl nodded and bit her lip nervously. Being perfectly honest, she wasn't sure what to expect, since she had been too young to have a proper sex talk with her mother back at the modern time, and she had never gotten the courage to ask Sango for anything specific. She barely knew the basics, and she doubted that was enough to please somebody else.

 _He must think is so annoying to be with a virgin,_ the voice in her head started whispering, and she could feel the doubts creeping around in her head once again. Kagome would have fallen one more time in the insecurity hole she was so familiar with…if it hadn't been for Inuyasha, who had decided to kiss her fiercely at that moment.

Kagome's head started spinning, and she lost her train of thought.

''I can almost see those thoughts going around that pretty head of yours'', he said, ''stop doubting when you are with me''.

Without waiting for a reply of any sort, he dove for her mouth once again and lightly started caressing her breasts. The girl instantly tensed all over, mostly for the strange sensation of having his claws on such a tender part of her body. At first she feared he could hurt her without meaning to, but since she wasn't in pain, and only a warm fuzzy feeling seemed to overcome her, she relaxed against him.

Every little doubt and fear in her body started to dissipate slowly, and suddenly Kagome had the most vivid sense of what was that thing that was missing in her life. Confidence.

For a long time, she had suffered with the relationship Inuyasha and Kikyo had maintained, cried about it, and gotten furious with him. Even in death, it seemed like Kagome could still give power to the other woman.

 _But that is over,_ she thought to herself. She needed to be more confident in her relationship, and in Inuyasha. She needed to be able to share all her doubts and fears more openly, and not feel ashamed about it. But more importantly, she needed to be more confident in herself, to be genuine and not let some silly little made up voice in her head define her actions. She needed to be sure of the person she had become, and live her life according to her own decisions.

Feeling bold, Kagome stretched her hand and touched Inuyasha in his most sensitive part, earning a groan that didn't sound unpleasant at all. She started touching up and down, testing what he liked based on the moans he was making next to her ear.

''Kagome…'', he gasped.

Suddenly she found herself with her hands above her head, and Inuyasha looking at her with a special kind of sparkle in his eyes. She shivered under his stare.

''I can't wait anymore''.

Knowing full well what that meant, Kagome blushed all over, and she waited until Inuyasha touched her. However, he didn't make a single move. He only stared at her with passion written in his eyes, and all of a sudden she realized he was waiting for a confirmation on her part.

She smiled.

''It's okay, I want this. I want you''.

To emphazise her point, she opened her legs and presented herself in the most vulnerable way. When his stare travelled to that place between her legs, Kagome had to fight the need to close her limbs once again. She was embarrassed, yes…but she knew she would never do this for someone other than him.

Only for Inuyasha.

''You are beautiful'', he said, while he carrased her outer thigh lightly, ''your skin is so soft…''

The girl closed her eyes, and shivered when she felt him getting closer to that area that seemed to be burning up. She didn't know where she had gotten that feeling, but suddenly, she wanted him there. Right now. The waiting was killing her.

''Relax'', he said, and she did as she was told, relaxing her body for him.

Kagome had no idea what she would feel when he finally touched her, but nothing in the world could have prepared her for the feeling of his mouth…right there.

She screamed in surprise, and in a reflex tried to get away, but his hands on her hips stopped her escape. She heard him laugh softly in the night.

''Did I shock you?'', he asked in a playful way, and bit her tight lightly, ''do you want more?''.

She blushed all over, and covered her face with her hands. That had to be the most embarrassing moment in her entire life. She had never been so humiliated…and yet she wasn't able to say ''no''. With a slight head nod, she laid back down on the grass and moaned when he caressed her with his mouth again.

''Inuyasha…''

Kagome could barely speak. The pleasure was so exquisite, not a single thought in her head could begin to form itself. He was bringing her to the highest peak, and she didn't know how intense the drop would be, or how good it would feel. She scratched the grass with her nails, and bit her lip to prevent from screaming.

But, when she was certain she was about to lose her mind, Inuyasha stopped. She looked at him in surprise and a slight disappointment because he hadn't continued, and he laughed with her reaction.

''Trust me, I love pleasing you…but I need to be inside you or I might explode'', he answered while he laid on top of her body and started kissing her neck.

''I need you too'', she said and put her legs around his hips.

As soon as she did that, she could feel Inuyasha's hardness against her softness. By that point, the girl was so warm inside, so swept away by pleasure, that every doubt inside her mind went flying through the window. There was no room for anything other than herself and Inuyasha.

''Let me know if it gets uncomfortable, all right?''

She nodded, and felt him softly move his hips forward. With gentle sways and long kisses, Inuyasha started opening a path inside the body of his beloved. When he felt some resistance, he drove himself forward, and in a single thrust, he was inside of her… and only then he understood the true meaning of pleasure.

 _This is heaven,_ he thought, as a warm feeling and urgency washed all over him. He wanted nothing more than to keep chasing that unbelievable feeling, and he would have gotten carried away...if not for Kagome's nails fiercely digging into his back.

Kagome hid her face against her lover's shoulder, and tried her best to contain the yell inside of her. She didn't want to alarm him, but the feeling of him burying himself inside of her…had been more painful than she had expected in the beginning. Not that she had thought sex wasn't going to hurt, but she hadn't been prepared for such an alien and painful feeling. She didn't really know how to react, or whether she liked it or not.

''Breathe'', he told her, and only then she realized she had tensed all over and was holding her breath.

Slowly, she began relaxing, and getting used to the feeling of having someone so close, so deeply inside of her. And she was glad that for such a tempestuous demon, Inuyasha was being incredibly patient with her. He was kissing her eyelids, the shell of her ear, and a place between her neck and her shoulder, that made her see stars behind her eyes. He was learning the sensitive spots in her body, and he told himself he would dazzle her completely, which she didn't mind at all.

''Please...'', she whispered suddenly.

Fearing that she was in too much pain, Inuyasha stopped his ministrations and looked at her.

''Are you okay? Need me to stop?", he asked with a hint of worry in his golden eyes.

''Stop? Don't you dare. I want you to continue'', she said, and then she grabbed him by the neck and lowered his mouth to hers.

Inuyasha smiled against her lips, and tentatively moved his hips against her own. The reaction was instantaneous: Kagome moaned softly and smiled with a blush creeping to her cheeks. And that face, was the one Inuyasha was hoping to see.

 _It feels good,_ she thought, surprised at how she could actually enjoy herself even through the pain, which was quickly beginning to fade. A wave of heat seem to overcome her, and she felt warm and fuzzy all over. So full of love, she could hardly contain it inside.

''I love you...'', she said breathless, ''I'm just so in love with you...''.

He smiled, and lowered his mouth on top of hers. In a soft whisper, she heard him answer in the same passionate matter, and her heart seemed to thump so hard, it was bound to leap out of her chest.

From then on, their bodies started rolling over the grass, getting tangled on each other, and laughing when their skins started to taint with the green of floor. They were lost in the feeling of belonging to someone else, to surrender completely and love each other in a way that was profound and whole. Perfect, in the imperfections of that moment.

Kagome didn't compare herself with Kikyo, didn't imagine the previous couple in her mind, or let her doubts distract her once more. Someday, she knew all these dark thoughts would disappear, and with time, she wouldn't be bothered by them anymore. She had promised Inuyasha she would stay by his side forever, and she was determined to make every minute count.


End file.
